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The masculine anxiety over loss denotes […] always already having lost the phallus which makes the “having” into an impossible ideal
[…]
The having of the phallus as a site of anxiety is already the loss that it fears, and it is this recognition of the masculine implication in abjection that the feminine serves to defer.
Judith Butler
alterities

Far from being normative, sexual difference is … pathological in the most radical sense of the term: a contingent stain that all symbolic actions of symmetrical kinship positions try in vain to obliterate.

Far from constraining in advance the variety of sexual arrangements, the Real of sexual difference is the traumatic cause that sets in motion their contingent proliferation.

(Furthermore, far from clinging to the paternal symbolic authority,
… is for Lacan a fake, a semblance that conceals this structural inconsistency.)

 Zizek on Judith Butler
true sexual intimacy is […] achieved when […] I expose myself far more radically to my partner when I disclose the intimacy of my enjoyment to his or her gaze that maintains a distance towards me, […] when I let him or her observe me during masturbation. […] Perhaps this is why Brecht had a preference for non-simultaneous orgasm: first you, so that I can observe you, and then you can observe me reaching my climax.
Slavoj Zizek, 1994
first you, so that I can observe you, and then you can observe me reaching my climax. […] Trust is needed here, since I expose myself to the danger that in the eyes of the observing partner I shall all of a sudden become ridiculous - to an indifferent observer, the sexual act cannot but appear a meaningless repetition of mechanical gestures
Slavoj Zizek
alterities
Fantasy is basically a scenario filling out the empty space of a fundamental impossibility, a screen mask­ing a void.
[…]
fantasy is, in the last resort, always a fantasy of the sexual relationship, a staging of it. As such, fantasy is not to be interpreted: […] there is nothing ‘behind’ it, […] fantasy masks precisely this ‘nothing’.
 Slavoj Zizek